


Lover Off Limits

by blopazchoni



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Pain, Vanessa loves madelaine, choni, girls love girls, madelaine loves travis, madnessa, riverdale rpf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-18 14:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14854466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blopazchoni/pseuds/blopazchoni
Summary: Vanessa Morgan and Madelaine Petsch had an undeniable connection when they first met and became inseparable instantaneously. Vanessa has grown very good at hiding her emotions for Madelaine, but things get tricky when they begin playing on screen lovers.Or, Vanessa is hopelessly in love with Madelaine who is happy with Travis. Lots of angst.





	1. The Day Before it Begins

**Vanessa:**

OMG your insta pic!! So. Fucking. Cute. 

 

**Madelaine:**

Thank u B!! When do you land in LA?? In need of a catchup and the fans want a Choni Q&A!!

 

**Vanessa:**

Catching the 4am flight in the morning so should be with you at about 10am?? Got some news I need to tell you :)

 

**Madelaine:**

OMG tell me now!!

 

**Vanessa:**

So impatient!!! ;)

 

**Madelaine:**

Don’t be annoying TELL ME!!!

 

**Vanessa:**

I’m literally seeing you in less than 12 hours just be patient!!

 

**Vanessa:**

I’d also rather tell you in person but dw it’s no biggie!

 

**Madelaine:**

Well now I’m worried

 

**Madelaine:**

Give me 5 and we can FaceTime and you can tell me??

 

**Vanessa:**

Mads, chill it’s all good

 

**Vanessa:**

Promise. Can’t wait to see you!

 

**Madelaine:**

Ok fine

 

**Madelaine:**

See you soon my love!!!! 

 

***

 

Dressed in her black ripped jeans, a red cropped hoodie and a black baseball cap, Vanessa eagerly made her way through the airport whilst scanning the crowd for a redhead. She felt her phone begin to buzz in the back pocket of her jeans. “Crap,” She muttered under her breath as she came to a halt, keeping grip of the handle of her suitcase in one hand and fumbling for her phone with the other.

 

**Madelaine Petsch is calling.**

 

The brunette’s face lit up at the image of her favourite person on her phone screen as her thumb swiped across. “Hey, are you here?”

 

“Yep! I’m parked out front.” Mads responded in a happy tone. “How was the flight?”

 

“It was fine,” Vanessa muttered casually, starting to head towards the exit doors. “How are things with you?” She smiled at a security guard that she passed as she made her way outside.

 

“Things are — I see you!” She yelled in excitement, throwing up an arm and waving aggressively as she jumped up and down with all her might.

 

Vanessa’s gaze set upon the tall redhead and both girls broke out in face-captivating beams. Madelaine ended the call and jogged to meet the other woman halfway, colliding their bodies in an embrace. Vanessa was on her tip-toes, her face pressed into the pale skin of the other girls’ neck, still covered in a smile. A warm wave of contentment travelled through her body, as if she was finally home.

 

“How are you?” Madelaine said, running her hands up and down the brunette’s back before pulling out of the embrace.

 

“Tired and hungry.” Vanessa sighed with a light chuckle as the two women started to walk side by side back to the car.

 

“Oh my God, same.” Mads agreed nonchalantly. “Want to stop off at Veggie Grill on the way home?”

 

“Fuck, yeah!”

 

 

***

 

 

After being stopped by some fans for selfies in the street, the pair made their way into Veggie Grill and chose to sit opposite on a table beside the window. As always, Madelaine ordered the same Ginger Iced Tea and Vanessa got the newest drink on the menu.

 

“How are things with Travis?” Vanessa asked, placing her phone on the table and locking eyes with the female opposite her, trying to hide all signs of jealousy by raising the corners of her lips and forming a smile.

 

The redhead blushed and rested her chin on her palm. “Amazing.” Dimples appeared on her cheeks from her smile. “He’s amazing.” Madelaine paused before continuing. “What about you? Any one new on the cards?”

 

_Should I tell her? I need to tell her. She’ll only reject you, Vanessa. What’s the point? She loves Travis —_

 

Her train of thoughts were interrupted by a waitress delivering their flavoured teas. Both females thanked the worker and pulled their straws to their lips, allowing Vanessa’s thoughts to thrive again.

 

_Oh my God, she is angelic. Shut up, you idiot, she doesn’t like you like that. She’ll never —_

 

“So? Any lucky lady or gentleman on the scene?” Mads repeated with a mischievous smirk that made Vanessa’s heart skip.

 

_Now or never, kid._

 

“Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about…” She responded at long last, gaining a gasp of excitement from the redhead.

 

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._

 

“Oh my God! You have met someone! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Mads reached her hand out to Vanessa’s and squeezed it in excitement, sending electricity through the brunette’s body.

 

“It’s different — I don’t know — It’s complicated…”

 

_What are you doing? Tell her, you idiot!_

 

“Are they male or female?” Mads continued to interrogate eagerly, a beaming grin plastered over her face causing her to literally glow.

 

“Female.” Vanessa mumbled as her foot began to tap against the floor anxiously.

 

“Did you meet them out in Paradise when you were filming Shanananara Chronicles?” The pale woman smirked and gained a laugh from Vanessa. She had never been able to pronounce the name of that show and it made the pair laugh each time they spoke of it.

 

_It was adorable. She’s adorable._

 

“I’ve actually — “ The shorter girl began but before she could continue, Madelaine’s phone began buzzing with an image of Travis lighting up the screen. Mads went to end the call, but was urged by the other female to take it and that it wasn’t a problem.

 

“Hey, baby!” She began speaking with her mobile to her ear. Vanessa sighed silently and sipped on her straw, her gaze wandering out of the window, wishing that it was her that Madelaine called baby. She wanted to be the one beside the stunning redhead on the red carpets, walking hand in hand together and locking lips for whole world to see. She wanted to take her home and hold each other in bed, whilst she would place kisses on the pale skin of Madelaine’s neck, leaving bruises of love.

 

“Where are you right now?”

 

Vanessa’s attention shot back to the woman opposite.

 

“Vanessa and I are at Veggie Grill. You can come join if you — Yeah, of course, Sweetest! — See you soon, baby. — I love you, too.”

 

_Typical. Fucking Typical._

 

Vanessa had nothing against Travis. She knew that he treated Madelaine like a princess and was a really great fucking guy, which only inflamed her envy of him more. As much as she hated herself for it, she sometimes wished he wasn’t so good to her so that Madelaine wouldn’t adore him as much as she does.

 

Acting as if she wasn’t listening, Vanessa turned her head back in the redhead’s direction and forced as smile. “Everything good?” She sipped her drink again.

 

“Travis is close by so he’s going to drop in and say hi.” Mads announced happily, drinking her tea. “That’s okay, right?”

 

“Yes! Yeah, of course!” The other girl lied impressively, smiling back and picking up her phone in an attempt to avoid answering Mads’ last question. “Let me take a boomerang of you for my Instagram story.” She changed the subject, clicking on to the app and swiping across to the camera.

 

Madelaine smiled and lifted her glass, using her free hand to hold the straw. “Tell me when.”

 

“Okay.. 3, 2, 1, go!”

 

On cue, the redhead closed her eyes and scrunched up her face into the cutest fucking smile Vanessa had ever seen, tilting her head to the side and back with a sight shrug of the shoulders.

 

“Perfect.” Vanessa muttered sincerely. She turned her phone around and got Mads’ approval to upload it for her followers to see, ensuring that she saved it to her Camera Roll first.

 

“Your turn!” Madelaine announced. For her boomerang, Vanessa sipped her drink and raised an eyebrow, like a detective, as Mads had said. Immediately, they were being tagged in screenshots of their stories on Instagram and Twitter with the captions talking about ‘Choni’ and how they were ‘the captains of their own ship’.

 

“Anyways,” Mads clicked off of Twitter, “What were we saying?” She glanced up at Vanessa and was distracted by the sight of Travis by the entrance of the restaurant. His gaze met hers, he smiled and walked over to the pair.

 

“Hey, beautiful.” He greeted Mads with a peck on the lips before turning to Vanessa. “Eyyy! Morgan!” He raised his voice and leant down, placing a friendly kiss on her cheek. “Long time, no see!”

 

Vanessa nodded and smiled. “I know, right! Is that a new tattoo I spy there on your neck?” Her gaze set on a rose leading up behind his ear.

 

“Yeah, got a few more last month.” He replied with a joyous nod.

 

“Cool! That’s cool!” Vanessa said overeagerly before the trio fell into a silence.

 

“So, who is this person that you met in Paradise?” Madelaine asked after a few seconds.

 

_Fuck, she remembered. I can’t declare my love for her in front of her boyfriend. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

 

“I — uh — I met this girl. We went on a few dates. Things didn’t really work out though. You know; timezones, lifestyles…” She invented smoothly, giving herself an internal pat on the back. “As I said via text, it’s no biggie.”

 

“Ah, man! Such an anticlimax!” Travis joked, getting a playful nudge in response from his girlfriend. “What?” He smirked. “I definitely thought we were going to have a Shakespearean love story on our hands.”

 

“Oh my god.” Madelaine smiled _that god damn smile again_ , but at Travis, not Vanessa. She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t watch the person that she’s been in love with for the best part of 2 years give heart eyes to someone else.

 

“Oh, crap!” Vanessa looked down at her wrist watch. “I promised Jordan and Drew I’d meet them for coffee at 12. I’m beyond late, oh fuck.” She laughed.

 

“Oh, that’s okay! What about our food? It hasn’t even come yet.” Mads responded, trying to find the waiter.

 

“It’s fine. I’m sure Travis will eat my tacos.” She smiled and stood, grabbing her bag. “I’ll see you on set tomorrow though, right?” She turned her attention to the gorgeous female.

 

“Of course. Bright and early as always.” Madelaine grinned and stood to hug her friend. “See you in the morning.” She murmured as Vanessa broke them embrace. She said farewell to Travis and turned on her heels, heading straight for the doors.

 

_Oh, God. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe._

 

As soon as she was out of sight from the restaurant window and safely down a little alley beside a book shop, the brunette lifted her face to the sky and gasped for air repeatedly. The brittle breeze caused her cheeks to tingle in the mild October day and she didn’t even realise she was crying until she tasted her own salty tears falling down on to her lips, as if they were trying to escape the misery inside. She had well and truly fallen for her best friend, who has no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Tomorrow at work, they had to pretend to be lovers; something that was a task for Madelaine but came naturally to Vanessa.

 

_Oh, God. Oh, God. You stupid fucking idiot. What are you gonna do now?_


	2. The Makeup Trailer

Wrapped up in the warmth of her winter coat, Vanessa made her way from her car into the back entrance of the studio, breathing into her scarf to prevent one part of her face from being freezing like the rest. It was just after 6am so there weren’t any fans lingering by the parking spots yet, as they normally began arriving after the school day. Nothing made her happier than being approached by avid fans, complimenting the show and her work. Except for one person, that is.

 

She stopped at the food cart and scooped some of the fruit selection into a plastic cup, took a fork and starting munching on the moist cubes as she headed for the makeup trailer, smiling at people as she went. As hard as she tried to follow her usual morning routine in an attempt to pretend like everything was normal in the world of Vanessa, it wasn’t. She was beginning to doubt how much longer she could be a good friend to Madelaine without tearing herself apart. Vanessa had never been one for keeping secrets, especially from Mads. In the beginning, it was easy to hide her feelings, being able to simply brush them off as being nothing more than a crush on her best friend; something which was irrelevant because it would _surely_ pass with time. It was only when the pair began spending more days and nights together on the set of _Riverdale_ when Vanessa realised how deep her affection for the redhead really was, which made the secret a hell of a lot bigger and harder to keep. Even the sight of Madelaine with Travis strained Vanessa’s heart silently, _agonisingly._

 

After knocking on the door twice as a courtesy, Vanessa twisted the door handle and stepped up into the trailer when she saw an all too familiar face.

 

_Oh, fuckety fucking fuck. Seriously? Good timing, Vanessa. As always._

 

“Vanessa!” Madelaine yelled excitedly, smiling at the brunette through the mirror in front of her, being unable to move her head as her eyeshadow was being applied.

 

“Mads!” Vanessa grinned and pulled off her jacket. “So, big day today,” She mumbled casually, looking over her shoulder whilst hanging up her coat to make eye contact with the redhead in the mirror.

 

“It’s our first _kiss scene_!” Madelaine sang the last two words with a beaming smile. “Are you excited?”

 

“Yeah,” She answered honestly, sitting in the seat beside Madelaine. “Are you?” She asked curiously, pulling her phone out of her back pocket to make it seem like more of a passing question.

 

“Of course! I’m kind of nervous too though,” She laughed. “I've never kissed a girl before. Also, what if you think I’m an awful kisser?” Mads joked and turned her head to the brunette now that the makeup artist was changing brushes.

 

“Kissing girls is just the same as boys, _if not better_. Oh, and if you're bad I guess I’ll just put up with it.” Vanessa shrugged and smirked, keeping her eyes locked to her phone. Madelaine gasped over dramatically and lightly punched the brunette’s arm.

 

“ _Put up with it?_ ” She repeated and chuckled. “You’re so rude!” Madelaine added, pretending to look insulted which drew a hearty laugh from Vanessa.

 

“Okay,” The shorter girl took breaths to calm her giggles, “If it’s awful, I’ll tell you…” She hesitated. “And then I can confer with Travis about how bad you are at kissing and we can — “ She couldn’t finish due to the uncontrollable laughter she had caused herself at her own words and at how Madelaine’s mouth was gaping so wide.

 

“I hate you!” Mads laughed at how Vanessa was now slouching in her chair, bellowing a hearty chuckle.

 

“Listen, I’m sure you’re a great kisser.” Vanessa began to redeem herself, turning to face the redhead.

 

“All will be revealed,” Mads said with a sigh, smiling softly.

 

_Fuck, she’s gorgeous._

 

“Anyway, I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to be rude, you know, rushing away and all.” Vanessa muttered, unlocking her phone again.

 

“Oh, it’s no problem. Travis and I had to talk anyway so it kinda worked out in the end.” Madelaine’s expression dropped a little as she turned her head straight forward to the mirror again, beginning to draw on her eyebrows (something that she always insisted on doing herself).

 

Vanessa’s heart stopped and her eyes flickered straight up to the redhead.

 

_A talk? That sounds serious. Maybe it was about —_

 

“Was it about anything important?” The brunette’s welcoming eyes met Madelaine’s.

 

“Not really. We’ve just been arguing a lot more recently than we used to and I wanted to know if we were both still on the same page,” She responded quietly, noticing that their makeup artist had now left the trailer and they were alone. “When I asked Travis, he went all alpha-male defensive on me and said that he’d done nothing wrong, even though I never said he did and - ugh - I just want things to go back to how they used to be, you know?” She muttered with a half-hearted grin and a shrug.

 

Vanessa reached her hand out and clasped it on the other woman’s forearm gently. “It’ll all turn out good, I’m sure. You love him and he loves you and that’s what matters.” Her heart broke at the truthful words of comfort she said to her best friend.

 

Madelaine’s lips pursed into a smile and she turned her head to the brunette. “Travis might be my true love, but you, Vanessa Morgan, are my soulmate,” Her slender pale fingers traced over Vanessa’s knuckles slowly. “And I am so grateful for you.”

 

The brunette’s eyes travelled down to their touching hands, sending a shiver of heat down her spine. She grinned at Madelaine’s words, both out of pain and happiness before their eyes met once more.

 

_Jesus fucking Christ. Is she trying to actually kill me? Because, my God, she has the power to._

 

“Well, isn’t this a very Choni-like moment,” Vanessa lightened the air, fearing that she would suffocate in her emotions if they continued, disguising the topic change with a sarcastic tone and a beaming smile.

 

“There’s no one else I’d rather be in a fictional relationship with,” Mads fleetingly remarked, turning back to the mirror to continue her eyebrows. Vanessa nodded in agreement and rotated back to face her mirror, hiding her growing tears by focusing hard on her phone screen.

 

“Vanessa?” The costume designer poked her head around the trailer door abruptly. “Are you ready for your clothes, love?” The older woman asked with a joyful expression.

 

“Yeah, one second!” Vanessa muttered with a grin and grabbed her coat off of the rail.

 

“See you in character, Toni Topaz.” Madelaine mumbled in her stern voice of Cheryl Blossom, extracting a chuckle and shake of the head from Vanessa.

 

"Laters, Bombshell."

 

 

 

**[LEAVE ME SOME FEEDBACK BELOW; WHAT YOU DO AND DON'T LIKE. IT REALLY MOTIVATES ME TO WRITE MORE, THANKYOU!]**


	3. Someone Knows

_Toni’s eyes met with the deep brown orbs of the redhead, whose hands lifted to cup the brunette’s face. Both women’s eyes scanned the other’s face for any sign of hesitation, but also admiring each and every feature. Cheryl traced her long manicured nails over the Serpent’s plump pink lips._

 

_“I’ve been craving you all day,” The redhead admitted in a whisper as her gaze drifted down to her fingertips. “Craving the taste of your lips,” She added in a voice so quiet that it was barely audible._

 

_The sexual tension between the pair was tangible, so much so that Toni’s breath hitched at Cheryl’s words. Before any further words could be exchanged, their lips had collided at long last. The kiss was slow and sensual, originally being led by Cheryl, creating soft smooching noises. It seemed as if a fire ignited inside of Toni as after a few heartfelt pecks the desperation behind her kisses increased; her delicate hands steadily grasped on to Cheryl’s blushing cheeks as she began to take control of the kiss. The Blossom was taken by surprise and stumbled backwards until her back was pressed against her closet door, the Serpent’s hands secured to her hips. After a few seconds of desperate touches, Toni unlatched their lips to catch her breath. Cheryl’s eyes fluttered open and met Toni’s. Their faces remained only inches apart, both girls heavily breathing to catch their breath and gazing at the other with nothing but adoration. Eager to break the gap between them, Toni cupped Cheryl’s face and reunited their lips that seemed to work so perfectly in sync._

 

 

“And cut!” The director yelled as the light muttering of the crew began again. Vanessa immediately pulled out of the kiss and wiped the moisture from her lips, averting her eyes down to the floor quickly. Madelaine gigged nervously and also dried her mouth.

 

“Good job, guys! I don’t normally like improvisation but I think you nailed that one!” A voice called out to them as the attention of the crew shifted from the actresses to the recording. “That’s a wrap on that scene.”

 

Madelaine adjusted the hem of her skirt. “Don’t get me wrong, that felt very realistic, but you could have warned me that you were going to make some changes to the script.” She chuckled. “For a minute there I thought it was going to go beyond PG.” She joked as she picked up her water bottle and took a swig.

 

Vanessa forced a laugh and shrugged her shoulders. “When a girl’s in character, she gotta do what she gotta do.” She responded with a smile, drawing another giggle from Madelaine.

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Vanessa. You just couldn’t help but pin her up against the closet, could you? Idiot. Stupid fucking idiot._

 

“Well, I must say,” Madelaine stepped closer to Vanessa, whose heart was still racing, “you aren’t the worst kisser in the world.” Dimples appeared on her pale skin from a sarcastic smile.

 

The brunette broke out into a genuine grin. “Yeah, well, I have no complaints. Travis is a very lucky man.” She played off the last comment as if it were less sincere than she truly meant it to be.

 

“Lunch?” Madelaine suggested with a smile and a raised eyebrow. Vanessa responded with a keen nod.

 

The pair began walking towards the food cart, alternating from flicking through social media to general gossiping about life.

 

“So,” Vanessa began anxiously. “I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything in that scene, did I? I just — I mean — I did what felt right, you know, for our characters. The last thing I wanted —“

 

“V! Seriously, chill out! It’s all good!” She was reassured by the redhead. “It did take me by surprise, I will admit.” The taller female looked down at the brunette, who was guiltily blushing and screwing up her face. “But, I think that it was appropriate for Cheryl and Toni. It felt right.”

 

_‘It felt right’. Wait, so that means she liked it? No, Vanessa, she just means it was right for the storyline. Maybe she meant — No. It was right for the storyline._

 

“Totally. I mean, the writers aren’t exactly giving Choni many romantic moments together so I figured we should make the most of what we’re given.” Vanessa explained herself persuasively. Even though she was speaking the truth - both of their characters were being deprived of screen time compared to other characters - it wasn’t the real reason why she improvised their kiss scene.

 

For 2 years she had been eager to lock lips with the breathtaking red-haired specimen. And yeah, she knew that kissing her in character is different from in person because it was forced and meant nothing to Madelaine. But it meant something to her. God almighty, it meant so much to her. She knew that she was not helping herself. Their on-screen relationship didn’t help her to get over her infatuation with Madelaine; if anything, it only increased her feelings and made her want her more. But Mads was with Travis and had no romantic interest in women. Vanessa knew she was digging for treasure in the wrong place, but God, there was something about the dig that made it impossible to stop.

 

“Oh, God!” Madelaine squealed excitedly. “I can’t wait for the fans to see that scene. They’ll all be so pleased!”

 

“I know right! Actually some decent content for once!” Vanessa responded seriously. “Do you reckon I’d be allowed to tweet out that there are good things ahead, or would the crew kill me?”

 

“If we both do it, they can’t kill us both right?” Madelaine suggested with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

 

“A very valid point…” Both of the brunette’s eyebrows raised as her lips also formed into a devilish smile.

 

Whilst typing out a tweet hinting at some saucing Choni content, Madelaine spoke again. “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Travis is out of town this weekend visiting his parents —

 

“And you want me to stay with you whilst he’s away to keep you company.” Vanessa interrupted with a grin.

 

“Guilty!” Madelaine chuckled.

 

“Of course I will. You don’t have to ask.” Vanessa said, pushing her phone into the back pocket of her jeans and lifting her eyes to the array of vegan dishes displayed in front of them. “Ooh, Mads!” She uttered. “The soup’s back!”

 

Madelaines’ eyes lit up. “Oh, the yummy one?” She queried, also putting her phone away to grab a bowl.

 

“Mhm, with the sweet potato side!” Gushed the brunette, scooping a portion into her bowl and continuing to move along so that the redhead could mimic her actions.

 

“Oh my God, yes!” Madelaine exclaimed, probably too loudly, as her sight landed on her favourite smoothie blend that they used to serve during the filming of the first season.

 

“What’s goin’ on here then, ay?” A male questioned in a Kiwi accent. With a soft smile planted across his lips, as always, KJ barged in between the women and eyed up the food.

 

“They’ve brought back all of the good stuff,” Vanessa explained as she reached for a spoon.

 

“Oh hell yeah!” KJ shouted, his hands moving from dish to dish and shovelling a bit of everything on to his plate. Madelaine looked down at the mountain of food that the tall male was holding and couldn’t hold back her laugh.

 

“Oh, my God, KJ!” She chuckled in slight disbelief. “You are an animal.”

 

“Are you flirting with me?” KJ teased with a cheeky smirk, gaining a playful shove on the arm from the redhead and a hidden glare from Vanessa. Madelaine’s phone began to buzz in her pocket, so she pulled it out and saw her mother’s name.

 

“I should take this,” she explained. Her gaze travelled to Vanessa. “So you’ll come over at 8?” She added quickly.

 

“I — Uh — Yeah — Yes, definitely!” The shorter girl stuttered. Madelaine smiled in response and mouthed a goodbye before turning on her heels with her food to answer her phone. KJ glanced down at Vanessa with an evil smirk as he chewed on a handful of fries. “What?” She asked, taking a casual sip of her smoothie.

 

Cautiously, the male scoured the area for any familiar faces before commenting. “So, you like Mads then, ay? How long has that been a thing?” His smirk grew in magnitude.

 

_What. The. Actual. Hell. I haven’t told anyone? How does he know? Oh, my God. I can’t breathe. What if everyone knows? What —_

 

“Uh, what?” She furrowed her eyebrows and their gazes met. “I don’t like Madelaine. Not in _that_ way anyway.” She scoffed.

 

“I watched you guys film your scene just now and noticed how off script you went.” He explained, pushing more fries between his lips. “And then,” He continued with a mouth full of food. “Just a second ago, you couldn’t take your eyes off of her and then you stuttered like a nervous kid.” He swallowed and beamed a smile of satisfaction. Vanessa stayed silent and sipped her smoothie again. “I get it. She’s a beautiful girl. There's no judgement here.” He reassured.

 

_Oh, God. He definitely knows. There’s not even any point in denying it at this point._

 

Vanessa gradually lifted her eyes up to meet his and lowered her drink from her lips. “Please, KJ. You can never tell anyone.” Her eyes widened with sincerity.

 

“Bro, chill. It’s all good. Your secret’s safe with me. I just thought that you would want to know that I figured it out because soon enough, others might do too.” The friendly grin reappeared on his soft lips as he used his free hand to gently rub Vanessa’s shoulder, before walking back towards his trailer.

 

Vanessa stood with her bowl of soup and smoothie in silence, her eyes locked in a trance upon KJ who was now in the distance, daydreaming of the night that lay ahead of her.

 

_You’re fucked, Vanessa. God damn, you’re so fucked._


	4. Could It Get Any Worse Than This?

_How long are you going to keep this up, Vanessa? Another few weeks? Another few months? Years? Your feelings evidently aren’t going to just dissipate, you fool._

 

With a heavy duffel bag swung over one shoulder, Vanessa began to wander away from her car and towards the apartment block where a red-headed beauty awaited her. Her thoughts began to build up with each step that she took. Before she had left her home, she had decided that at some point soon, not necessarily tonight, she would tell Madelaine of her affection towards her. She was very well aware that she would be turned down straight away, but she had to be honest with her close companion. Each time she had to avoid the subject of relationships or love with a white lie, her conscience would eat away at her insides and if it continued, she would be nothing more than a shell of a woman.

 

_Do it for yourself, kid. You have to. For once, put yourself before Madelaine, as difficult as it seems._

 

As she drove the few miles to Madelaine’s apartment, her decision changed again. She knew that there was no way that she’d go through with it. ‘ _There’s no point,’_ she’d remind herself at every crossroad. The only thing that her confessing her love would do is screw things up for Mads. It wouldn’t make anything better; only make things worse.

 

_You can’t live like this, Vanessa. You can’t live like this. At some point, you have to do what’s right for you._

 

It was only when she parked up in her usual spot outside Madelaine’s apartment when she checked her phone and saw three texts from the redhead that made her heart skip, it was only then that she decided affirmatively that she had to. She couldn’t keep getting excited at the sight of Madelaine’s name on a message, or an Instagram notification that she’s posted, or that she mentioned her in a tweet. She needed closure. No, that’s not the word. She needed to be at peace.

 

She slumped her colossal bag up against the brick wall and averted her gaze to the microphone and buttons next to the doorframe.

 

“Mads? It’s Vanessa,” She said as she held down the button labelled ’14’.

 

“Cool. I’ll let you up,” A familiar voice casually returned almost instantaneously.

 

There were a click and a buzz, notifying the brunette that the door had been unlocked. Vanessa shakily exhaled through her lips as she swung her bag onto her shoulder once more, using her free hand to twist the door handle and begin her ascent to Madelaine’s apartment.

 

_***_

 

Seven flights of stairs later, due to a malfunctioning elevator, Vanessa arrived at Madelaine’s apartment door.

 

_So, I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now. I kinda really like you, Mads. But it doesn’t mean anything —_

 

_Ever since I first saw you I —_

 

_The last thing I want is to fuck things up between us. I know that you’re happy with Travis and I’m so happy that you’re happy! It’s just —_

 

_I should have told you a while ago, but, I’m kinda really in love with you. I know it’s not reciprocated but I needed to get it off of my chest. I never intended for my feelings —_

 

She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head to clear her thoughts before lifting a fist and knocking softly. It didn’t take long for an eager-eyed, beaming Madelaine Petsch to open the door.

 

“Vanessa!” She said joyously, reaching forwards and grabbing on to the duffel bag as she moved aside for the brunette to enter.

 

“What’s up?” The shorter female mumbled with a smile as she stepped inside, gently shutting the door behind her.

 

“I hope you’re hungry because a ton of Veggie Grill will be arriving any minute,” Mads chuckled as she placed Vanessa’s bag on the table. Vanessa headed to the couch and began flicking through Netflix, picking up where Mads had clearly left off.

 

“How was the rest of your day after our scene? I didn’t see you after we grabbed lunch,” Madelaine asked as she joined her friend on the couch.

 

_You didn’t see me because I was avoiding your pretty face, damn it._

 

“Yeah, uh,” Vanessa hesitated as she read a movie description. “It was good. You know, same old.” She pressed her lips into a forced smile as she kept her eyes fixed on the flatscreen. “What about you? Did you and Cami film your scene okay?”

 

“Yeah, it was all good.” Madelaine smiled briefly before shifting closer on the cushion to Vanessa, noticing that she wasn’t a jolly as she usually was.

 

Vanessa’s breath hitched when she felt soft, slender fingers rest on her thigh.

 

“Hey, are you okay? You seem a bit tense tonight,” The redhead stated, furrowing her eyebrows as she observed the brunette’s face that refused to look away from the TV.

 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Vanessa responded monotonously with a fake grin as she pretended to struggle with the remote as a way to escape the situation. Realising that Madelaine’s gaze had not shifted from her face, Vanessa eventually turned her head to face the other female. “Honestly!” She smiled and placed her hand on top of Mads’. “I’m all good.”

 

Madelaine must have believed Vanessa as she returned the grin and began walking into her kitchen. “Do you want tea?” She asked the brunette.

 

“Please,” Vanessa muttered as she clicked on a show named ‘Orphan Black’. “I started this show last night and it’s literally my new favourite thing,” She stated, causing Madelaine to turn and read the title as she got some mugs out of a cupboard.

 

“What’s it about?” Madelaine asked inquisitively.

 

“This woman meets her doppelgänger at a train station and takes up her identity. I’ve only watched two episodes but — “

 

“But you’re hooked and want to binge it with me all night,” The taller female laughed as Vanessa turned around and looked at the redhead with puppy-dog eyes.

 

“Please?” The brunette elongated the word like a 5-year-old asking for candy.

 

“Fine!” Madelaine gave in. “But if it’s awful like that other show you told me was amazing — “

 

“‘Grace and Frankie’ _is_ amazing so you can shut your mouth!” Vanessa swivelled around and laughed, pretending to be insulted.

 

“Says the one person in the world who doesn’t like ‘House of Cards’, which automatically makes your opinion completely invalid!” Madelaine began to laugh too.

 

“It is _the most_ overrated show to ever exist, are you kidding me?” The brunette fought back, gaining a scoff in return from the other woman. “Anyway, I guarantee that you will like this show.”

 

“Oh, is that so?”

 

“If you don’t enjoy it, I’ll give you fifty bucks,” Vanessa bargained, getting up to lean on the opposite side of the kitchen counter to Madelaine.

 

“Deal,” Madelaine agreed with a smirk, turning around to make the tea. There was a short pause before she spoke again. “Oh yeah, I meant to ask you about that girl you met in Paradise. What did you say her name was again?”

 

 _Oh, fuck. Her name. She doesn’t have a name because she doesn’t exist, you stupid, fucking, idiot. So what now, Vanessa? Are you going to share another lie?_ Add another lie to your heavy conscience? _No. You’re going to tell her._

 

Vanessa shifted uncomfortably and watched Madelaine make their drinks. “I — uh — Look, I need to tell —“

 

“Veggie Grill delivery for a Madelaine?” Someone buzzed through the intercom. Immediately, Mads stopped what she was doing and jogged towards the door, holding down the button by the microphone.

 

“Come on up!” She said happily, pressing the button to unlock the outer door. She turned back to the brunette. “You were saying?”

 

Vanessa gulped and headed back to the couch. “Actually, I’ll give you the details when you’ve watched the first episode of this show,” She said.

 

_Good cover. Buy yourself some time._

 

“Oh, so you’re blackmailing me now?” Madelaine giggled as she put some plates and cutlery on the counter.

 

“Something from me, something from you,” Vanessa grinned as she watched Madelaine prepare for the food delivery. She knew that she should get up and help but she couldn’t pull her eyes away from the masterpiece that was Madelaine Petsch.

 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door by the delivery driver.

 

 

***

 

“Nothing better than a Veggie Grill on a Friday night!” Madelaine smiled as she used a napkin to wipe away the food residue from the corners of her lips.

 

“I feel like a balloon, oh my God,” Vanessa responded, placing her dish on to the floor and laying back on the couch, clutching on to her food baby as if she really were pregnant. “So, what did you think of the first episode?”

 

Madelaine smirked guiltily and sighed. “Fine! I will admit that this show does seem very interesting and very binge-worthy…”

 

“Ha!” Vanessa sat up straight and beamed. “I knew it! Tell me I was right,” She crawled closer to Madelaine on the couch, who shook her head. “Tell me I was right!” She raised her voice and laughed as she began tickling the redhead’s waist.

 

Madelaine erupted in giggles. “Fine! Okay! Okay, you were right!” She squealed desperately. “You were right!”

 

Vanessa released her grip and sat down on the couch again, this time with her shoulders adjacent to Madelaine’s. “I know I was,” She commented under her breath, gaining a slap on the thigh from Madelaine.

 

“So, I’ve watched one episode. Now, you tell me about this mystery woman. What was her name?”

 

_Fucking tell her, you coward!_

 

Vanessa shifted a little away from Madelaine and adjusted her posture. “Okay…” She said, her anxiety becoming tangible, causing concern in Madelaine. “I need to tell you something. Please, don’t freak out.”

 

“Uh — Okay?” Madelaine mumbled, also sitting upright. She waited for Vanessa to speak but they remained in silence. “V, seriously, what’s up?”

 

With a deep breath and a rapidly beating heart, Vanessa began.

 

“There was no girl in Paradise. It was an excuse that I made up to avoid telling you who I have feelings for.” She watched Madelaine’s facial expression grow puzzled.“Then you asked again, so I made up the excuse that I was late for a lunch with the boys.”

 

“Wh — Why didn’t you just tell — “

 

“Please, let me finish,” Vanessa asked softly, placing her hand on Madelaine’s knee, who slowly nodded in response.

 

“The truth is, that I’m in love with you.”

 

A silence fell.

 

“And — And I know that you’re head over heels with Travis and I am _so, so,_ happy that you’re happy.” Her voice cracked as tears rimmed her eyes. “I just,” She sighed sadly. “I shouldn’t have let my feelings for you grow in the way that they have — “

 

“When?” Madelaine asked sternly, tears also lining her eyes. “When did you start, you know, liking me like that?”

 

Vanessa swallowed hard and broke eye contact as it was becoming almost unbearable. “I think I always have. Right from the start.” She admitted slowly, almost ashamedly.

 

Madelaine’s lips parted in disbelief, a look of complete pain and betrayal covering her face. With a shake of her head and a scoff, she stood and headed towards the kitchen. “Are you kidding me?”

 

The brunette stayed perched on the edge of the couch, her eyes following the redhead. She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, allowing the first of many tears to fall.

 

“All this _fucking_ time, Vanessa. You’ve loved me for what, 2 years, and you never said a word?” She turned and faced the shorter woman, her face stained with mascara lines. Vanessa headed towards Madelaine, wanting to dry her tears and comfort her, but as she approached, the redhead distanced herself further. “I have never kept _anything_ from you,” Madelaine’s voice cracked and her eyebrows furrowed, breaking Vanessa’s heart. “I tell you everything. Everything!” Her voice was becoming raw, and radiating pain in all directions.

 

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa was close to sobbing. “I’m so -- “

 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Vanessa?” Madelaine’s voice was soft now, exhausted from shouting.

 

The brunette controlled her crying to respond. “I didn’t want to screw things up between us. You’re my best friend, Mads! You’re my favourite —“

 

“I don’t know if I can trust you,” The redhead interrupted with a trembling lip, a shrug and a sad expression, both women locking gazes. “Is there anything else that you haven’t told me?” Her tone was still soft.

 

There was a short pause. “The —uh — The reason I improvised that scene was because I — “

 

“Oh, my God…” The other woman mumbled in disbelief, raising her hands to clutch on to her head. “You used our character’s storyline to your own advantage…” She began to pace her kitchen back and forth.

 

Vanessa stood and watched Madelaine fall apart before her eyes, unable to resolve it because she was the problem. She had caused the eruption.

 

The pair fell into another deep silence again; neither knowing what to say.

 

“I — uh — “ Madelaine broke the silence as she wiped her eyes. “I think you should leave.” Her gaze lifted to meet Vanessa’s.

 

“Mads, come on…” Vanessa’s tone was weak and almost inaudibly as she stepped towards the redhead, who simultaneously stepped back.

 

“I want you to leave.”

 

They stood opposite each other, their teary eyes locked together.

 

“You really want me to go?” Her voice cracked.

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

And with that, Vanessa stumbled across the apartment with blurred vision from her tears.She lifted her bag and headed towards the door, turning back to look at Madelaine. The redhead was sitting on the couch in silence with her back to Vanessa.

 

_At least she knows, right? No. No. No. You idiot. Look at the mess you’ve made. Fuck you, Vanessa. Stupid, pathetic, idiotic, asshole!_

 

A tear droplet climbed over the ridge of Vanessa’s eye and clambered down her cheek, as she let herself out of the apartment.

 

As the door slammed shut, both women burst out into sobs, muted to the other by the dividing wall between them. Vanessa threw her bag down and slid down the wall, wailing uncontrollably as her hands clutched on to her aching chest.

 

_So this is a true heartbreak then, huh? Not only losing the woman you love but also your best friend. Could it get any worse than this?_


	5. Bang. Bang. Bang.

_ Twenty-one days.  _

 

_Twenty-one days of avoiding each other on set - the only exception being when they were filming scenes._

 

_Twenty-one days of a tangible discomfort around the person that you kiss and hold and touch in front of the cameras._

 

_Twenty-one days of purposefully arriving late to work to avoid the other in the makeup trailer._

 

_Twenty-one days of endless tweets from fans begging for a selfie between the two, unaware of their distancing of the other._

 

_Twenty-one days of only looking at the other when they didn’t know, dreading the locking of eyes._

 

_Twenty-one days of both being utterly exhausted from their severe struggle to sleep._

 

_Twenty-one days since Vanessa confessed her love for Madelaine._

 

_Twenty-one days of feeling incomplete and miserable._

 

_Twenty-one days of agony._

 

_Twenty-one days._

 

_***_

 

And there she was, hand in hand with Travis at the food stall, giggling at him the way that makes Vanessa’s heartache. Her red, wavy hair flowed down over her shoulders, bouncing up and down every time she moved her head. Her mouth was shaped into a wide, beaming smile that placed dimples on her cheeks and crinkles by her eyes. Anyone would have looked at her and thought her to be genuinely happy.

 

But there Vanessa stood, leaning up against her trailer, gazing longingly at Madelaine, noticing that her smile wasn’t truly reaching her eyes.

 

Noticing that her head wasn’t being thrown back as she laughed.

 

Noticing that her fingers were loosely intertwined with her boyfriend’s as if she were eager to escape and be alone.

 

Noticing that her plate of food wasn’t even half as full as it used to be.

 

Noticing the effect - _the damage_ \- that her confession of love had had on Madelaine.

 

_Stop it, Vanessa. You’re killing yourself by doing this, you do realise that, right?_

 

At the slightest movement of Madelaine’s head in her direction, Vanessa turned on her heels and began walking to the bathroom inside the main hall, her body beginning to tremble with sobs.

 

_Don’t turn back. Do not turn back._

 

Eager-eyed, Madelaine furrowed her eyebrows when she saw that the brunette was hurrying away. Impulsively, she passed her food to Travis and was about to run after Vanessa, until she was stopped by a tattooed hand on her forearm.

 

“Baby, leave it,” Travis mumbled softly. “Let her go.” He placed his hand on her cheek, guiding her to look up at him, which also forced her to break her eyes away from Vanessa. He pulled the redhead into an embrace, trying to be as comforting as he could.

 

One cheek was pressed against Travis’ chest and both arms were wrapped around his torso. Her gaze drifted back to the now-distant brunette as a lonesome tear rolled down her unoccupied cheek, her face remaining emotionless. ‘Come back,’ she wanted to scream, but she stayed silent. Not a sound left her lips as she clutched on to her boyfriend tightly and watched Vanessa disappear into the hall. Not a single sound.

 

***

 

_Thirty-one days._

 

_Thirty-one days of wanting to hear the other person laugh at one of their jokes._

 

_Thirty-one days of reminiscing about the times they spent together that were always filled with bellowing laughter._

 

_Thirty-one days of sitting in crowded rooms but feeling more lonely than ever before._

 

_Thirty-one days of having a hollow chest from crying themselves to sleep every single night._

 

_Thirty-one days of wishing - praying - for the other to break and come running back to them._

 

_Thirty-one days since Vanessa confessed her love for Madelaine._

 

_Thirty-one days of feeling incomplete and miserable._

 

_Thirty-one days of agony._

 

_Thirty-one days._

 

_***_

 

The main Riverdale cast touched down at San Diego International Airport late afternoon, ready for Comic-Con which commenced in two days time. They were all booked into the Hilton Bayfront hotel, which was situated only steps away from the Convention Center.

 

Unlike the rest of the crew, who decided to grab lunch before checking in to their rooms, Vanessa and Ashleigh chose to get their keys and clean themselves up before eating.

 

When the elevator reached the third floor, the two females exchanged farewells before Vanessa headed towards room 304, holding her key card tightly between her fingers. _God, she could not wait to be alone._ For the past month or so, all of the cast had been throwing questions at both her and Madelaine about why they had suddenly stopped talking. Due to the magnitude of questions every day, Vanessa could only assume that Mads, too, was refusing to tell them anything about the incident.

 

 _‘I wonder if she’s told Travis.’_ She thought as she swiped her key card and opened the door. _She definitely will have told him. God, he probably hates my guts too. You really did fuck everything up, Vanessa. Good job, kid. Good job._

 

Too exhausted to think about responding to emails or doing anything worthwhile, the brunette had a quick shower before putting on her cosiest loungewear; grey sweatpants, a loose navy tee with pink fluffy socks. She jumped on to the fresh sheets of her bed with a groan and rested up against the headboard. Whilst turning on the TV on the wall opposite her with the remote,she reached a hand over to the food menu on her bedside table.

 

_Comfort food, comfort food, comfort food._

 

Her eyes scanned the menu like a hawk for the vegan section at the bottom and immediately grabbed the room service phone to place her order.

 

“Room service, how can I help?”

 

“Hi, I’d like to order some food to room 304 please,” Vanessa spoke softly.

 

“Of course, ma’am. What will it be today?”

 

She hesitated. “Would — uh — Would it be possible for me to have one of everything on the vegan menu?”

 

“Uh — Yes, of course, ma’am.” A startled voice responded. “And to drink?”

 

**Her thoughts wandered back to the waitress at the little cafe on the corner of 34th Street.**

 

**“And to drink?” The petit waitress had asked.**

 

**Vanessa glanced over at Madelaine with a bewildered expression.**

 

**“She’ll have the rose iced tea, please. And I’ll have the same.” The redhead stepped in with a friendly smile as she handed back the menus, getting a nod from the worker who left them in peace. “You’re going to love this! It’s _fucking_ beautiful!” She had said with a glowing smile and a light giggle.**

 

**_You’re fucking beautiful,_ Vanessa had thought.**

 

“Ma’am? To drink?”

 

“Sorry, I’ll — uh — Do you do a rose iced tea by any chance?”

 

“Yes, ma’am, we do. It’s featured on today’s specials menu.”

 

“Awesome. I’ll have one of those too please.”

 

“Absolutely. Your order should arrive within the next 20 minutes to room 304. Have a good evening, ma’am.”

 

“And you.” She said before ending the call and placing the phone back on to the table.

 

***

 

The time was nine o’clock and Vanessa was fully engrossed in an episode of Law and Order that she had found on a TV channel. She lay in the midst of empty dishes which were the only remains of her extremely enormous eating session that she had only just finished. The flashing light from the TV filled the dark room in a way that was soothing, and it began to make Vanessa dozy. Her eyelids began to feel heavy and her eyes eventually closed shut, her posture drooping as she fell into a light sleep.

 

“Travis, I don’t know.” Pause. “Of course I know you love me! And I love — “ Pause. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying!”

 

Vanessa’s eyes fluttered open.

 

“You’re not listening to me!” Pause. “Well, now you’re just putting words in my mouth.” Pause.

 

She sat up straight and listened closely to the muffled voice approaching down the hall.

 

“I am so tired, Travis.” Pause. “Tired of fighting with you!”

 

Vanessa stood with wide eyes. _Shit, shit, shit. It’s Mads._ She quickly headed to her door and peered through the peephole. Sure enough, Madelaine Petsch was walking down the hall with her phone in one hand and wheeling her case with the other.

 

“Stop shouting at me.” Pause. “Please, just calm down.”

 

 _No fucking way. Fuck off. Are you kidding?_ _She’s in the room fucking next door?!_

 

“It has nothing to do with her! We’ve been having problems for a while now and I think —“ The door slammed shut. Silence.

 

_Out of every fucking room in this hotel, Madelaine is put in the room next to mine. What are the fucking chances?_

 

The brunette stepped back from the door and hovered for a second. _If you want to speak with her alone, now would be your chance._ A deep sigh protruded from her lips as she ran her fingers through her hair.

 

_God, what are you doing? Go and check on her at least! No, you’re the last person she wants to see, you dick. Leave it until tomorrow._

 

So that’s what Vanessa did. She turned around and resumed her spot on the king-sized bed and forced herself to sleep.

 

_Leave it until tomorrow. Tomorrow._

 

***

 

The sun seeped through the cracks in the curtains, illuminating specific areas of the room with striking rays of light and leaving other areas in darkness.

 

Unusually, Vanessa woke up to her first alarm and got out bed straight away, her thoughts captivated by the phone call she overheard last night. She knew that Travis and Madelaine had been having problems but she didn’t think they were too serious. From the sound of things, she had been wrong.

 

Initially, she had planned to get ready earlier and knock on Madelaine’s door to confront her. She’d be honest and say that she heard the call and that she sounded upset, and she would try to be a good friend. She thought about it some more and concluded that that situation would more than certainly end with Madelaine closing the door on Vanessa and then no progress would have been made.

 

Eventually, Vanessa came to the conclusion that she would go down to the reception at the time the gang had planned and meet Madelaine there. She wouldn’t mention the phone call or what happened a month ago. She’d try to keep up a normal conversation about the weather or how nice the hotel is and just attempt to get their friendship back.

 

Content with her newly formed idea, Vanessa shoved her phone, her card and her room key into the back pocket of her jeans and stepped out into the hall. As if by fate, Madelaine performed the same action at exactly the same time.

 

_SHIT._

 

The pair stood staring at each other in the hallway for a few very long seconds.

 

“Hey,” Vanessa said, but by the time she had said it, Madelaine was already walking away down the hall. “Mads! Just stop for a minute! Please!” She called out, jogging after the redhead.

 

“What do you want, Vanessa?” Madelaine turned and spoke softly with a small sigh.

 

“I — uh — I want to apologise.”

 

“What, and that makes it all — “

 

“Please,” Vanessa said in a quieter tone. “Let me finish.” Madelaine nodded. “I was a dick to you. Not only did I keep it from you for _way_ too long, but I also lied to you about the girl in Paradise and going out with the boys. And trust me,” She paused. “I know that was completely wrong and if I could take it all back I would.”

 

The brunette took a step closer to Madelaine. Madelaine didn’t step back. Their eyes stayed in a gentle gaze with the other.

 

“I had no right to improvise that scene the way that I did. I took advantage of you and I’m _so_ sorry.” Her voice cracked, so she gulped to restrain herself from sobbing _again._ “Please forgive me.” She whispered, watching her fingers graze over the pale skin of Madelaine’s forearm.

 

“ _Please_ forgive me,” Vanessa repeated as her tears began to fall, lifting her eyes to Madelaine’s. To her surprise, Madelaine was looking past the brunette down the hall, looking with wide, unwavering eyes as if she’d seen a ghost. The redhead’s lips began to tremble and tears began to avalanche down her cheeks.

 

“Vanessa,” Madelaine whispered quickly, swiping her key card and opening her door. “Get inside now.” She mumbled sternly, in a low tone, her eyes fixated upon something down the hall.

 

“Uh — W — What?” The brunette stuttered, the conversation taking a turn that she wasn’t expecting. Before she could ask any more questions, Madelaine grabbed her arm and pushed Vanessa into her room, following her in and shutting the door quietly, locking it from the inside. Completely startled, the taller woman turned and slumped her back against the door, staring straight forwards with tears clambering out of her eyes. Yet she stayed silent, in shock, almost.

 

“Mads?” Vanessa muttered softly with wide eyes. “Mads, what is it?” She raised her hand to the pale girl’s shoulder and caressed her skin with her thumb comfortingly.

 

Madelaine’s lips parted as if she were trying to talk, but no words were coming out. Her eyes remained fixated straight ahead of her, continuing to stream.

 

“Hey, hey,” The brunette whispered, noticing that the other woman was physically shaking. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

The redhead’s lips tried again. “Th — There’s a — a — a man down the hall,” She stuttered slowly, stopping to breathe in between words. “A — And he’s got — He’s got a gun.” Her voice cracked.

 

“What?” Vanessa questioned with furrowed eyebrows, lifting both of her hands up to cup Madelaine’s face and let their eyes finally meet. “What do you mean — “

 

“He’s got a gun, Vanessa.” Mads whimpered, her face showing an expression of complete terror. “I — I saw him waving it around at people and — and — “

 

BANG. BANG.

 

Both women let out a cry and dived on to the floor, clinging on to each other for dear life. Instinctively, Vanessa turned to face Mads and inspected her for injury. “Are you okay? Oh my God, are you okay?”

 

Madelaine nodded quickly and sat upright, like Vanessa. “What about you?” She blurted out, also scanning the other woman’s body for any signs of injury.

 

“I think the shots came from further down the hall,” Vanessa said whilst nodding, trying to stand up but being restricted by Madelaine’s tight grip on her torso.

 

“Where are you going?” The redhead muttered quickly, tightening her grasp on the woman. “Don’t even think about going out there, I swear to God.”

 

Vanessa shook her head quickly. “I’m just going to look through the peephole and see if I can see him. Okay?”

 

There was a short silence between the pair; their eye contact alone speaking louder than a riot.

 

Eye contact that said: _You’re not allowed to die. I need you in this world. I can’t live without you. We can survive this, I know we can. Trust me. I’m sorry._

 

And with that, Madelaine released Vanessa who rushed towards the door and elevated herself on to her tiptoes. She looked through the peephole and saw a man exiting a room and turning to the one next door to it. She heard his muffled shouts and saw him raise a gun into the air, before kicking down the door. There were screams and then —

 

BANG. BANG. BANG.

 

_The gunshots were getting louder. The gunshots were getting closer._

 

Vanessa turned around with wide eyes and gaping lips.

 

“W — What?” Mads mumbled, gazing over at the brunette. “Vanessa, what is — “

 

“He’s doing a sweep of the floor.” She said almost emotionlessly. “He’s — uh — He’s going into each room, one by one and shooting whoever’s inside.” She added monotonously whilst a single heavy tear rolled down her face.

 

She looked at Madelaine, who looked back at her.

 

“What do we do, Mads?” Her tone was raw and broken, and her expression was hopeless. _“_ What do we do?”


	6. Come Back to Me

“Get in the closet,” Madelaine spoke firmly, opening the narrow door and shifting some of her clothes aside.

 

Vanessa did as she was told, stepping into the tight space and perching on top of a small shelf.

 

“There’s only one single bed so he won’t know that anyone else is here,” Madelaine continued, pulling her clothing garments along on their hangers to hide Vanessa amongst the material. “I’ll say it’s just me.”

 

‘Wait,” Vanessa immediately stood and exited the wardrobe, “What the fuck? No. No, you’re not being a fucking _sacrifice!_ Are you insane?” Her voice cracked.

 

The redhead gripped Vanessa’s arms tightly and looked intensely down into her eyes. “If we both hide, he’ll kill us both.” Madelaine forced a smile as a tear rolled down her cheek, her hands cupped around Vanessa’s face. “It’s okay,” She spoke just as softly as her thumb caressed the smaller woman’s face.

 

Vanessa furrowed her eyebrows as a silent flurry of tears tumbled from her eyes. “No…” She squeaked, her hands on top of Madelaine’s. “There’s another way. There’s always — “

 

Maintaining her reassuring smile, she placed her thumb over Vanessa’s trembling lips to silence her. “Shh, shh, shh,” She said lightly, her watery eyes scanning over Vanessa’s delicate facial features. “Everything will be okay.”

 

They stood in silence again.

 

Vanessa swallowed before mumbling, “There’s so much I have to say — “

 

“But no time to say it,” Madelaine interrupted. “Me too,”

 

Vanessa leant forwards and pressed her lips to Madelaine’s wrist, placing a small, gentle kiss on her rapid pulse before looking back up at the redhead. They gazed longingly at each other like nothing else in the world mattered apart from them.

 

“Okay,” Madelaine whispered, pulling her hands away after a few seconds and guiding Vanessa back to the closet. “When he comes, don’t make a sound.” She wiped away her own tears before beginning to rearrange the clothes around Vanessa as she had started to before.

 

Vanessa sat in silence, gazing up at the woman she adored and had done for years. Every fibre of her being wanted to express her affection - kiss her all over and hold her and protect her and cherish her until the end of time - but fear and shock had captivated her entirely. All she could do was stare and listen.

 

“Whatever happens when he comes through that door, you _have_ to stay in here until you know for sure that he’s gone. Do you understand?” The redhead asked quickly. “Vanessa! Promise me!”

 

Vanessa nodded, her unbothered eyes not leaving Madelaine for a second.

 

“Okay,” The taller girl’s voice trembled. She took one last look at Vanessa before closing the doors to the closet and turning to face the door. “Okay,” She reassured herself in a whisper. “It’s okay.”

 

***

 

Vanessa sat in darkness, surrounded by the clothes of the woman she loved and consequently, Madelaine’s scent. She was terrified. Completely and utterly silenced to the bone.

 

She heard the door get kicked down.

 

_‘Whatever happens’ Madelaine’s voice echoed in her head._

 

She heard Madelaine’s muffled scream at the intruder.

 

_’Stay in here until you know for sure that he’s gone.’_

 

She heard the intruder smashing and breaking things.

 

_‘Promise me!’_

 

She heard the intruder shout and cock his gun. She winced, her heart in physical pain as it began to fall to pieces. She silently sobbed into one of Madelaine’s jackets, her throat swelling up and constricting.

 

BANG. Thud.

 

_Oh, my God._

 

The brunette dived out of the closet with no hesitation, gasping for air and allowing her sobs to generate volume at long last. Her blurred vision finally settled on Madelaine.

 

She was laying on her back, her eyes planted on the ceiling, failing to even blink. Her body was jolting up and down with unsteady breaths as blood seeped from a gunshot wound to her stomach.

 

Vanessa crawled to Madelaine’s side and pressed her hand on her wound, limiting blood loss. Her gaze shifted up to the man dressed in all black, who was pointing a gun down to her. Unexpectedly, she was unfazed and turned back to look at Madelaine, focusing on nothing but keeping her alive.

 

_If this is the last thing I ever do, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with —_

 

BANG.

 

_***_

Beep. Pause. Beep. Pause. Beep. Pause.

 

Vanessa’s eyes fluttered open, her vision blurred by all of the bright hospital lights above her. With squinted eyes, she tilted her head to the side a little and glanced down at her body. Her right arm was secured in a hefty cast and sling, rested over her torso. A figure slowly approached her bedside.

 

“Hey there, Miss Morgan. Good to have you back!” A man said in a kind tone, lifting up a clipboard and writing something down. “You had us worried for a minute there,” He continued.

 

“What happened?” She whispered.

 

“The gunshot wound penetrated your upper right humerus directly, consequently shattering the bone. We’ve given you a fair dosage morphine which is why you can’t currently feel the — “

 

“My friend,” Vanessa’s voice was dry and raspy. “Madelaine Petsch, is she — “

 

“She’s stable and sleeping,” The nurse said before Vanessa could get ahead of herself. “The doctor said that your small amount of pressure on the wound is the only reason that she made it.” He smiled and placed the clipboard back down, noticing the relief on Vanessa’s face. “She’s alive because of you.”

 

The brunette opened her eyes wide to clear the building tears and shook her head. “No. She almost died because of me.” She whimpered, looking back up at the bright lights on the ceiling. “ _She_ should have hidden. Not me.”

 

The nurse chose not to respond and simply pursed his lips together and nodded.

 

“Where is she? What room?”

 

“Room 602. Right across the hall.” He gestured through a glass window to a doorway that was labelled with that number. “But, ma’am, in your current state and Miss Petsch being in hers, it’s not recommended for you to see each other at this point in time.” He explained. “Your doctor has suggested a few more days rest before we get you up and walking again to let the swelling on your arm reduce.”

 

Vanessa exhaled shakily and nodded, resting her gaze on the door labelled 602.

 

“I’ll come back in a few hours to give you your next dosage and check on you,” He gave a friendly smile before exiting the room and attending to another patient of the shooting.

 

_So close yet so far. Oh, fuck it._

 

As soon as the nurse was out of sight, Vanessa began to shift her body upwards, wincing from pain every now and then. With a surge of energy, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and rested her bare feet on the floor, gritting her teeth and groaning in discomfort. She suddenly felt light-headed and nauseous.

 

_Come on, Vanessa. Get up and go to Madelaine. Come on!_

 

She let out a heavy exhale before stumbling up on to her feet, using her one unoccupied arm to gather some balance. Taking each wobbly step at a time, Vanessa headed out into the hall and eventually made it to the closed door of Room 602. She peered through the window on the door and saw Madelaine.

 

Her heart dropped in her chest. Never had she seen someone that she cared for so dearly in such a vulnerable state of health. All of the fear that she felt inside, all of it was for Madelaine’s health and wellbeing.

 

_Without her, the world is just a void and death would be a relief._

_Without her, the world would stop turning and implode upon all normalities known to man._

_Birds would stop chirping, trees would stop blossoming, the sun would hide away in fear of the storms, summer would become winter, love would become a foreign emotion, the waves of the sea would crash against the shore like it had a vendetta against mankind, the streets would be empty even if they were crammed with people, and life would be pointless._

_Without her, there’s nothing._

 

_She’s everything._

 

Using her free hand, Vanessa turned the door handle and let herself in, closing the door behind her. Exhausted from the walk across the hall, she hurried towards the chair at Madelaine’s bedside and almost collapsed into it with a sigh of relief.

 

She was close enough now to really look at the damage Madelaine had undergone: her whole torso area was wrapped in a large bandage; both of her arms were attached to some kind of medicinal drips; her hair was splayed out on the pillow beneath her head.

 

_How is she still the most beautiful human being in the world?_

 

Not really knowing what to do or how to act, Vanessa slowly placed her hand on top of Madelaine’s and ran her nail gently up and down one of the pale woman’s fingers. For a while, she sat in silence, playing with Madelaine’s hands to comfort herself, more than anything.

 

“So —uh —I broke my promise,” She admitted quietly with a shrug and a light laugh. “I came out of the closet before he’d gone and, well,” She looked down at her sling, “Karma’s a bitch, I guess.” She chuckled to herself as her eyes teared up once more.

 

She paused and gave her tears time to dissipate before continuing.

 

“Thing is, when you’re sat, _waiting_ for something bad to happen, you can’t help but want to stop it, you know?” She gazed down at the redhead’s closed eyes. “Especially when that bad thing is going to happen to someone that you _really, really love_.” There was a short pause. “So, uh, that’s why I broke our promise. It’s not a great excuse, I know,” She scoffed, “But there it is.” She smiled half-heartedly.

 

“I can’t help thinking, you know, about the things I should have done different.” She frowned and tightened her grip on Madelaine’s fingers. “It should have — “ Her voice cracked. “It should have been me out there… confronting him and trying to save you.” Tears began to roll from her bloodshot eyes, and she didn’t even try to resist them anymore. “And when I heard that gunshot, Mads, I swear, my heart — “ She shook her head and exhaled shakily.

 

“Fuck,” She whispered to herself, looking down at her lap and closing her eyes. “I just really need you,” She mumbled, glancing back up at their hands that were still intertwined. “I’m not sure I can function without you around.” She smiled.“If you could hear me, you’d tell me to stop being so cliché. I can almost hear you saying it, and see you rolling your eyes at me and — “ Her voice trailed off and turned into quiet sobs.

 

“Please — Please, come back to me… I’m so in love with you… I need you in this world. Come back to me,” She leant down and placed a kiss on Madelaine’s hand between sobs. “P — Please.”

 

“Come back to me,” She whispered.


	7. Better Now You're Here

_Human beings are resilient._

 

_No matter how many times a person gets pushed down, our natural instinct is to pick ourselves back up again; to pick up our broken pieces to create a better version of our previous self._

 

_Almost like a mosaic._

 

_The most beautiful mosaics are made of thousands of broken pieces._

 

_A person looks at a mosaic and admires its intricate, beautiful details but fails to recognise what that piece of art had to go through to achieve that level of grace._

 

_But, surely, there must come a point where a mosaic has been well and truly destroyed, and can no longer be influenced by the damage inflicted by others._

 

_Pray God that this applied to the human heart too because Vanessa couldn’t continue to be the victim of her heart shattering over and over and over again._

 

_Over and over and over again._

 

***

 

**_11:34 pm, the day of the shooting_ **

 

Vanessa was perched on the chair beside the hospital bed, staring down at the elegant features of Madelaine, who was still in a stable sleep as she had been since the event. The recurring beep of her heart monitor was comforting to the brunette. _The recurring beep of life_ , she thought of it as.

 

It was fair to say that Vanessa was exhaustedafter the catastrophic day the pair had been through. Her eyelids were past the stage of being heavy and had proceeded to unwillingly shutting every few seconds before being forcefully reopened. She wanted to be there when Madelaine woke up, whenever that would be, to comfort her and have the talk that they needed to have so urgently.

 

_God, things are such a mess._

 

She sighed and clenched her jaw, reaching her unharmed left hand out to caress Madelaine’s cheek. Her pale skin was still stained with her blood from early this morning, but she looked way too peaceful for Vanessa to attempt to clean it off.

 

“Oh, my God,” a low voice mumbled from the doorway. Unnervingly, Vanessa swivelled around quickly and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Travis.

 

_Jesus, man! Don’t fucking scare me like that after I was fucking shot, you dick!_

 

Travis stood in the doorway of the hospital room, lingering like a vampire that needed an invitation to enter, his eyes fixated on his girlfriend.

 

“She’s okay,” Vanessa broke the silence and stood from the chair, turning to face Travis. “She lost a lot of blood, but she’s okay.” She explained in a soft tone.

 

The tattooed male nodded slowly and gulped.

 

The pair stood in silence for a few moments; Travis looking at Madelaine and Vanessa looking at Travis.

 

As Vanessa watched the tall male, she noticed his body gradually begin to shake and his eyes begin to fill with tears. Her lips parted to give some comforting words but nothing came to mind. They were in a shit situation and no words could change that.

 

***

 

**_11:59 pm, the day of the shooting_ **

 

“They said you saved her,” Travis said in a raw voice, glancing over at Vanessa who was standing on the other side of Madelaine. “You — uh — You stopped the bleeding or something?”

 

“I mean I didn’t stop it,” Vanessa mumbled, scratching the side of her face awkwardly as she looked at the redhead. “I just reduced the blood loss.”

 

“Whatever you did, they said that her heart is beating ‘cause of you.” His gaze turned soft and sincere. “I don’t know how to thank — “

“Hey,” She interrupted. “I just did what anyone would have done.” Vanessa played herself down subconsciously.

 

The male paused and eventually nodded in agreement before his eyes averted back to his girlfriend.

 

“God,” He whispered. “I should have been here earlier. If only the plane didn’t fucking get delayed.” He hissed.

 

Vanessa chose to stay quiet and let him vent.

 

“I found out through Twitter. _Fucking twitter…_ ” His voice cracked and he was evidently resisting sobs. “People were tweeting me and there was nothing I could do. I didn’t know if she was dead or alive.” He paused again and squeezed Madelaine’s limp hand, for courage almost. “No one was telling me anything! No one had any fucking answers!” The tears began to fall.

 

_Fuck, he loves her so much. We’re in the same boat, except she loves him. She chose him. Vanessa, stop it. Shut up. This isn’t the fucking time._

 

Travis continued. “The last thing she said to me was that she wanted to take a break - that things between us weren’t working anymore and she wanted to see if she — if she could live without me…” His voice cracked and his tears becoming heavier. “And, you see, Mads and I were absolutely fucking fine until you told her you loved her.” His gaze shifted up to Vanessa, who was taken aback by the drastic change of topic.

 

_So THAT’S what that phone call was about in the hallway. It was about you, Vanessa. Fucking idiot._

 

“I — I don’t know what to say,” She admitted, looking at her feet uncomfortably.

 

Travis sadly looked back down at his girlfriend. He wasn’t angry or pissed; he was just a man with a broken heart. “You should rest. I’ll stay with her tonight.” There was no questioning tone in his voice. He was politely telling her to leave.

 

“If you need anything — “ Vanessa muttered as she headed towards the door, but decided to cut her sentence short, knowing she wouldn’t be acknowledged anyway. She hesitated to get one last look at the sleeping beauty before stumbling across the hall back to her room.

 

***

 

The rest of the cast that were staying in the hotel, who were all unharmed, came to visit Vanessa and Madelaine the day after the shooting. They spent a lot of their visit talking to Vanessa, due to Madelaine’s occupied state, asking lots of questions about what really went down.

 

_“So, he shot her first right? And then you?” KJ was the one to ask the brutal questions. He got the answers they all desired but were too afraid to ask for._

 

_“Yeah. He shot her and while I was trying to help her, he shot me.”_

 

_“God, if those cops hadn’t have killed the bastard, I think I would have!” Charles mumbled, gaining a nudge from Cami._

 

_“Charles! You don’t mean that…” The Latina whispered with wide eyes. Melton stayed silent_ **_._ **

 

**_“_ ** _Oh God, Vanessa. That sounds horrific. We’re so sorry you had to go through that.” Lili mumbled with her soft, ocean-like eyes._

 

The cast gave the pair all of their love and best wishes before heading to the airport to spend their week off, given due to the circumstance, at home surrounded by their families. Vanessa couldn’t blame them. That’s what she’d want to do if she was almost involved in a shooting.

 

Talking of families, Vanessa’s arrived two days after the shooting, along with Madelaine’s family. Both were absolutely heart-wrenchingly terrified and shaken up -not that anyone could blame them. Vanessa’s relatives nurtured her: getting her drinks every twenty minutes; constantly asking the nurses to check her vitals; sorting through the bombardment of emails she had received since the shooting; helping her to go to the bathroom one-handed. The list continued.

 

She could see through the glass windows that Madelaine’s family were struggling with the sight of their precious girl like that. They were all circled around her, puffy-faced from sobbing and none of their lips moving.

 

_It really makes you realise the pain that some people go through when it’s put into perspective. The endless number of people that have been victims or known victims of shootings is too many. Too many people have felt pain like this. It has to stop. The world has to change._

 

It was now three days since the catastrophe and at long last, at 11:37 am, Madelaine’s eyes had opened. The brunette had been told by a nurse that she woke up with her mother by her side, which was a comforting thought to Vanessa. She knew that that was the person Madelaine would want by her side in a situation like this.

 

As the day progressed, the redhead was all that Vanessa could think about. As much as she wanted to see her, she didn’t want to interrupt her time with her family. It was only when a nurse came to Vanessa’s doorway and told her, “Miss Petsch wishes to see you,” that the brunette headed to the door of Room 602.

 

She twisted the handle and gently allowed the door to swing open. At long last, her eyes met with the affectionate, brown orbs of Madelaine’s.

 

_Peace, at last._

 

***

 

No words were exchanged between the pair. Their eye contact spoke a thousand words.

 

_Relief. Happiness. Gratitude. Love. Desire. Understanding. Affection. Nervousness. Contentment. Comfort. Serenity._

 

Neither woman acknowledged Madelaine’s parents leave the room; they weren’t acknowledging anything but the other person.

 

Vanessa slowly walked to the end of Madelaine’s bed, her soft gaze travelling across the redhead’s wounds, as her free hand gripped on to the bed frame. She saw Madelaine’s eyes grow tearful as they took note of her sling, making her eyes watery too.

 

Gradually, their leaking eyes made their way back to each other’s, holding in a sincere gaze for a few moments before both exploding in smiles of relief.

 

“Hey,” Vanessa whispered with a chuckle.

 

Madelaine smiled, putting dimples on her cheeks that were covered in tears very quickly. “Hi,” Her voice cracked.

 

“I know that you like your sleep, but man,” Vanessa laughed and headed to the seat beside the bed. “You had a real long lie-in this time!”

 

The redhead let out a soft chuckle and tilted her head towards the brunette, watching her longingly.

 

“How are you feeling?” Vanessa said in a serious yet soft tone.

 

“Better now you’re here,” She smiled. “I was waiting for you to come and visit me but I got impatient.”

 

“I was gonna come, I swear, I just didn’t want to interrupt things with your Mom and Dad — “

 

Mads placed her hand on top of Vanessa’s to silence her. “It’s okay. I get it.” She paused. “Your arm…” She began. “You shouldn’t have — “

 

“I know what you’re going to say,” Vanessa butted in. “And leaving that closet was entirely my choice and I’d do it again. I won’t apologise for it.”

 

Madelaine huffed and looked at the brunette playfully.

 

They fell into a comfortable silence as their fingers laced together.

 

“We need to talk about things,” Mads declared calmly, watching their fingers moving perfectly together.

 

“Yeah, we do.” Vanessa agreed. “But you’re exhausted. It can wait until tomorrow.” She raised the corner of her lips into an empathetic smile.

 

The redhead sighed disappointedly but nodded. “Okay.” Her eyes continued to watch their fingers. “Tomorrow.”

 

The shorter woman went to stand and walk back to her room but was stopped by a tightened grip on her hand. She glanced down at Madelaine who gazed back up at her with pleading eyes.

 

“Please, stay.” The pale woman whispered.

 

“Mads — “

 

“I really want you — to stay…” Mads admitted, looking back down at her thumb, which was now caressing Vanessa’s palm, unknowingly sending shivers through the brunette.

 

Vanessa knew she shouldn’t, but she simply let out a sigh and nodded.

 

_How can I say no to that face? Those eyes?_

 

She resumed her previous position on the chair and sat, her eyes locked with Madelaine’s.

 

She had no idea what was happening, or what any of this meant. All she knew was that the woman she loved was safe and alive, and they were together. That was what mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE LEAVE SOME FEEDBACK BELOW AS IT REALLY MOTIVATES ME TO KEEP WRITING. THANK YOU! x


	8. A Sight for Sore Eyes

Rays of sun soared through the cracks of the hospital curtains, illuminating the room unevenly. Madelaine slept peacefully on her back, her hand still intertwined with Vanessa’s, who was slouched back on the armchair beside the bed. The brunette’s eyes began to twitch and eventually opened, taking a minute to adjust to the brightness.

 

_What time is it?_

 

After rubbing her eyes and blinking quickly, her eyes could focus on the clock that read 6:32 am.

 

_Shit, too early. I need coffee._

 

Vanessa stood to her feet cautiously, not wanting to wake the sleeping redhead, and walked to the door, rolling her head around to stretch her neck as she did so.

 

She didn’t think through how she was going to carry two coffees with one hand until the lady tried to hand them to her over the counter in the cafeteria. Eventually, she got a steady grip on the underneaths of the cups and made her way back up to room 602. By the time she arrived back, Madelaine was awake.

 

“I wondered where you’d gone to,” Mads mumbled in a sleepy tone. “I should have guessed - coffee.” She chuckled.

 

Vanessa smiled and placed the cups on the table beside the bed. “Want to sit up?” She asked, knowing the redhead was incapable of doing it herself due to her injured stomach. When receiving a nod in response, the brunette approached her bedside and started by adjusting the pillows. She proceeded to click the button on the side of the bed which altered its shape into more of a chair.

 

Madelaine winced and squeezed her eyes shut in discomfort during the movement.

 

“Shit, should I get help?” Vanessa asked nervously and stepping back, like a child who had smashed a glass.

 

“No, no, this is fine now. Thank you.” She smiled and reached over to grab a coffee.

 

Vanessa sighed in relief and planted herself back down on to the chair. “How did you sleep?”

 

“Despite the inability to move on my own, I actually slept surprisingly well!” Madelaine spoke with a chuckle. “How was it in the chair? I really didn’t think that through last night when I asked you to stay…”

 

Vanessa shrugged. “Despite the inability to feel my neck, I actually slept surprisingly well!” She mocked with a cheeky grin.

 

“Well, now I feel bad!” The redhead furrowed her eyebrows and widened her eyes.

 

Both women laughed and took sips of their coffee before looking at the other in silence.

 

“So, about that talk we need to have…” Vanessa broke the growing awkwardness.

 

Madelaine put her coffee back on the table and sighed softly. “I’m sorry I reacted the way that I did. I should’ve tried to understand — I mean, I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like for you — “

 

“Hey, stop,” She was interrupted. “I — I used you in ways that I shouldn’t have and I should have told you when I first realised that I was — “ Vanessa’s words got caught in her throat.

 

_That I was in love with you. That I am in love with you._

 

“That I was into you,” She rephrased with a guilty expression. Madelaine said nothing and looked down at her bandaged torso. “I handled the whole thing wrong and then it got so messed up and —“ She sighed. “I just — I’m just really sorry,” Her words trailed off.

 

Madelaine’s eyes drifted back up to meet Vanessa’s. “Do you still, you know, feel the same?” She mumbled, almost in a shy manner.

 

Vanessa breathed a laugh and smiled softly. “It takes a bit longer than a few weeks to fall out of love with someone.”

 

And for a second, she swore that she could see a tinge of pink on Madelaine’s cheeks as the redhead smiled to herself.

 

_Probably not._

 

Madelaine opened her mouth to say something back, but there was no volume to her words, so Vanessa continued speaking. “And I didn’t tell you to hear it back. My God, I know that you don’t feel like that towards _any girl_ , let alone me. I told you because I was tired of hiding it and you deserved the truth.”

 

Madelaine pursed her lips together and nodded in understanding.

 

“And now things between you and Travis suck and it’s all my fault and — “

 

“Hold up, what?” Madelaine butted in curiously. “Why do you think it’s your fault?”

 

“When you were still asleep,” The brunette began. “I was in here with you and then Travis arrived. He told me the things between you two started going South because of what I told you — “

 

“Oh, my God!” Madelaine exclaimed, louder than Vanessa was expecting and therefore taking her by surprise. “Of course he did!” She scoffed and shook her head.

 

Vanessa frowned. “Wait, I’m confused.”

 

The redhead inhaled deliberately as if she were calming herself, before explaining. “Travis and I have been having problems for weeks. That talk that he and I had to have at Veggie Grill, when you left early, was about how many arguments we’d been having. If anything, things got a bit better after you told me about your feelings because I relied on him more.” She admitted, subconsciously making Vanessa feel a bit bad. “He hated the fact that we’d be at Comic-Con together because he knew that we’d probably be friends again by the end of the weekend — “

 

“Which would mean that you two would begin drifting apart again,” Vanessa put the pieces together, pinching the top of her nose with her fingers and sighing quietly.

 

“Exactly,” Madelaine confirmed, her eyes scanning Vanessa’s face and noticing that she felt bad. “But, hey,” She said quickly. “It’s not your fault. He just gets jealous of you sometimes; he gets jealous of what we have. That’s not on you.”

 

_He’s jealous of me? What the fuck! I’m fucking jealous of him - he got the girl, didn’t he?_

 

They fell into silence, neither really knowing what to say.

 

“So, uh,” Vanessa mumbled. “Have you seen him yet? Travis, that is.”

 

The redhead nodded slowly and grabbed her coffee again. “He was here a few hours ago,” She sipped her drink.

 

“Why isn’t he here now?”

 

Madelaine sighed. “He needed air or something?” She shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know… We can’t seem to talk without arguing at the moment,” She laughed to herself and sipped again.

 

“Shit, that sucks. I’m sorry.” Vanessa said sincerely, exerting a smile from Madelaine.

 

“It’s fine,” She replied softly, their eyes meeting in an affectionate gaze.

 

“He really does love you, you know.” The brunette reassured. “Take it from someone who knows,” She smiled shyly to herself, reaching out for Mads’ pale hand. “I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.”

 

The redhead traced her fingertips over Vanessa’s palm, watching as she did so. “I can’t live without you, Vanessa.” She admitted in nothing more than a whisper. “And, it’s _so confusing_ because I think I could live without Travis, not that I’d want to but I _could_ , but not without you.”

 

Vanessa stayed quiet, her heart pounding in her chest as Madelaine’s touch sent shivers through her body.

 

“And I don’t know what any of it means because I love Travis, I really, _really_ do, but everything with him is always so difficult.” Her eyes were welling up. “But with you — With you, everything always seems so simple.” Her tone was gentle as her watery eyes travelled up to Vanessa’s face, admiring it meaningfully.

 

_Reassure her. Be a good friend, kid. A friend._

 

“Just think of every romantic movie ever made. When is love ever easy, hm?” She leant forward and tried to keep the mood as positive as she could. “There’s, uh, _The Notebook_ and _Dear John_ and _Love Actually_ and - and even _Titanic_!” Vanessa beamed a smile. “Love isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was, it wouldn’t be love.”

 

Madelaine furrowed her eyebrows. “So, you’re saying — “

 

“What I’m saying is Travis is jealous because he loves you. And, sure, maybe he handles his feelings badly and doesn’t always put you first, but, Mads, he’s in love with you. Like, seriously, crazily in love with you.” Her expression turned into one containing happiness and sadness. “And you’re in love with him too.” Vanessa’s tone was soft now. “Don’t throw that away because you’re going through a rough patch.” She wanted the best for Madelaine, she really did, even if she sacrificed her own heart in the process.

 

Madelaine’s face lit up and she tilted her head, gazing earnestly at Vanessa. “See, I told you I can’t live without you.” She grinned from ear to ear.

 

“Well, now I can see your point,” Vanessa laughed, grabbing her empty coffee cup and walking to the trash can. “I should get going.” She mumbled, looking at the clock. “Our families will be here any second and if my dad hears that I slept in that armchair with my broken arm, he will kill me!” She raised her eyebrows and turned back to Mads.

 

“Shit…” Madelaine muttered, her face plastered with a guilty smile.

 

“I’ll drop by later tonight though, sound good?”

 

The redhead’s eyes widened. “We can order a Veggie Grill!”

 

Vanessa’s mouth gaped open. “Oh, my God, yes! Okay, I’ll come back at like 8, deal?”

 

Madelaine smirked. “Deal.”

 

The brunette began to exit, but lingered in the doorway, turning back to look at Madelaine.

 

_God, she really is a sight for sore eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi hiya hey please leave some feedback it means the world to me thanku thanku thanku xoxox


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